


Too Weak To Be Your Cure

by lille082



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: 00Q Reverse Bang, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 08:21:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13430739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lille082/pseuds/lille082
Summary: "It's not your fault, Q..."A submission for the 2017/18 00Q Reverse Big Bang Challenge.





	Too Weak To Be Your Cure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KingWilfling (Reinatus_W)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinatus_W/gifts).



> The absolutely gorgeous artwork that inspired this is 'After Mission' by Wilfling. You can check out more of their amazing work on Instagram by following [@kingwilfling](https://www.instagram.com/kingwilfling/).
> 
> A very special thanks to [hannah_baker](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hannah_baker) for the beta. <3

 

* * *

 

“Ah, Double-Oh Seven, welcome back.”M looked up from the file folder in front of him, nodding at Moneypenny in dismissal.

“Thank you, sir.”Bond closed the heavy oak door behind him, sending a wink Moneypenny’s way as she returned to her desk.

“I trust you didn’t encounter too much trouble in Anguilla, given I haven’t been contacted by the local government about any recent…issues.”Mallory stood and made his way around the monstrosity of his desk to the bar cart near the window and poured them both drinks.

“No, sir.”Bond accepted the brandy gratefully and sank into the plush leather chair in front of M’s desk.“To be frank, it was a rather…straightforward mission.Simple recon.If it had been anywhere other than the Caribbean, I might be complaining about how you could have easily sent a junior agent to do it instead.”

M chuckled as he sat down at his desk again and leaned back to level Bond with a look.“It may have been straightforward, Double-Oh Seven, but it never hurts to refresh seasoned agents with the basics.Besides, you were starting to look pale, I figured you could use a bit of sun.”

Bond mockingly saluted him with his glass before he launched into his debrief.He had just begun to go into detail about the third lover of the Chief Minister’s wife when a shrill beep from M’s phone interrupted him.

“Sorry, sir,” Moneypenny’s voice was tinny through the speaker but Bond recognized the urgency in her tone.“It looks like Double-Oh Two’s mission has gone tits up.Tanner is requesting your presence in Q-Branch.”

Mallory and Bond frowned at each other, placing their half-finished drinks on the oak desk before rising from their seats.M didn’t bother responding to Moneypenny over the speaker but met her in the antechamber outside his office door.She was waiting with a tablet, mission parameters already pulled up.

“Coming, Bond?”She asked, eyebrow quirking as she followed M towards the elevator bank.

“Lead on, Miss Moneypenny.”

As they arrived in the stark white bullpen that housed some of MI-6’s brightest minds, they were met with what could best be described as organized chaos.The techs in the room constantly offered updated information loudly over the clattering of their keyboards, all punctuated by the audio feed from the agent’s comms over the speakers.At the center of it all, Q stood fluidly directing both his staff and the Double-Oh he was on comms with.Tanner looked over from his spot just behind Q as they walked in and moved to meet them.Bond watched his brow furrow as the sound of gunfire echoed around the room.

“Double-Oh Two’s been dark for the last forty-eight hours.We weren’t overly concerned since she was undercover but she finally reached us on comms and it looks like she’s been ambushed.” Tanner said, stopping in front of M.

“Was she made?” Bond asked, eyes searching the satellite images currently displayed on one of the oversized monitors at the front of the room for the small, red dot labeled ‘002’.

“We haven’t been able to get too many details, but that’s our best guess.” Tanner glanced at the nearby techs before lowering his voice.“Sir, I don’t think we’re going to get anyone to her in time.She’s been hit twice already—”

“Sir,” Q had moved his mic away from his mouth and his tone was crisp as he addressed M without turning around.“I’m mobilizing a team from Station S, but we’ll need to route them through restricted airspace and I need your authorization to do so.”

M didn’t hesitate as he walked to Q’s workstation, waiting patiently until Q nodded at the keyboard, allowing M to enter his authorization code.The moment the authorization was accepted, Q flipped down the microphone on his headset and addressed the agent.

“We’ve got a team 20 minutes out, Double-Oh Two.Current status?”

“I’m down to my last two mags, Q.” The sound of the agent’s voice was intercut with static and she paused to fire off a few more rounds.

“What are your escape routes looking like?” Q pulled up a schematic of a warehouse and at a quick glance, Bond knew exactly why Q stopped as he waited for a response.

“ _Дерьмо_.I have nothing, they’re blocking the only exit.”

“Fuck.” Q’s shoulders sagged for a moment before he took a deep breath.“What about the watch?”

“They took it when they searched me.Unless one of them gets really curious about the links right now, it’s a—-”The sound of gunfire echoed from the speakers, interrupting her and the bullpen could do nothing but listen to the volley of shots back and forth.

Q spoke again once there was a break in the fire.“Double-Oh Two? Sitrep.”

Bond’s stomach dropped as a wet wheeze came over the speakers, followed by a choking gurgle.Q immediately switched to his private channel and the room was suddenly too quiet while everyone in the branch held their breath.Q hurriedly murmured into the comms, though his hands were hovering over his keyboard, frozen.Only the techs closest to him probably heard what he was saying, but the rest of them didn’t need to when he abruptly stopped talking into the mic.

Eve shared a significant look with Bond.Q took a deep breath before he spoke to the room. 

“Agent down.”His voice remained calm, steady, but the tension in his body spoke volumes.Q removed his headset, his movements measured and slow as he turned to R, his face blank.

“You have control.I want the team from Station S to lock it down until we can get a cleanup crew out there, no local police.Get us CCTV within a one-mile radius and have the cleanup crew check if they left anything or just cleared out after—” Q abruptly stopped, but R didn’t miss a beat and began relaying the commands to the techs surrounding her.

Q ran a hand through his hair then turned to survey the room at large, gaze sweeping over his staff before he approached the small group at the back of the bullpen.

“Sir,” Q began to address Mallory, his face still vacant and unreadable as he stared at his superior.

Mallory held up a hand to stop him.“Tanner already briefed me on what we know so far and I…well, I expect your report to contain any additional information you deem relevant to the ongoing mission.Miss Moneypenny has reliably informed me that you’ve been here since before Double-Oh Six’s mission concluded.”

Q sent Eve a dirty look before he directed his attention back to M.

“Go home.Your report can wait,” Mallory placed a hand on his shoulder and his look softened.“You did all that you could, Q.” 

He nodded to Q before retreating from the clinical brightness of the large room.

Eve sighed and grabbed Q’s elbow gently, guiding him to his office while Bond and Tanner trailed along silently.

“He’s right, love.There wasn’t anything else you could have done,” she said softly once they reached Q’s office.Bond shut the door behind them.

Q’s look turned sour.“There’s always something that I could have done.”

Eve huffed and began flitting around the office, efficiently gathering up Q’s bag and packing it with his belongings.“No.Short of you physically being there with her and throwing yourself in front of those bullets, no, there wasn’t.”

Q opened his mouth to retort but Bond beat him to it.“Q, she’s right.This isn’t on you.She couldn’t have been in better hands.”

Q clenched his fists but didn’t turn to acknowledge Bond in his anger, instead taking a deep breath before schooling his features back into a blank mask.Eve and Tanner shared a look and Tanner cleared his throat.

“Q, go home.Bond will drive you.”

Q blinked a bit in confusion as Eve looped his scarf around his neck then handed his peacoat to Bond.“I’m perfectly capable of taking the tube by myself.And besides, I still need to check his kit in.”

“Nope,” Eve said cheerfully.“I’ll turn it into R who can take care of it.”

“I—”

“Q!” Eve said sharply, cutting him off.

“Fine,” he said petulantly, turning on his heel, flinging his office door open, and walking towards the lifts.

Eve handed Q’s bag to Bond and, in exchange, he handed her his mini radio and modified Omega watch.He didn’t have any plans to turn in his Walther if he was going with Q and she clearly had no intention of asking him for it.

Bond nodded at Eve and Tanner in turn, but Eve stopped him from leaving with a hand on his arm.“Be gentle, James.She’s his first.”

 

* * *

 

The ride was oppressively silent.Bond glanced out of the corner of his eye at Q when he could; his face was petulant but otherwise gave him no indication as to what was going on in his head.As they came to a stoplight, he finally turned to him.

“Are you—”

“Don’t, Double-Oh Seven.Just…drive, okay?”

They lapsed back into silence, Bond’s jaw clenched a bit tighter than before.

He found a spot near the entrance of the nondescript brownstone that belonged to Q and climbed out before Q could tell him to shove off.Bond grabbed Q’s bag out of the back and watched as Q seemed to resign himself to the fate of Bond coming up instead of arguing with him—which was troubling. 

Even on the worst of Bond’s missions, Q would remain as acerbic and witty as ever, giving as good as he got.He wasn’t one to be cowed into silence or resignation and Q’s behavior was disconcerting, something Bond couldn’t reconcile with his experience of the man.

He followed closely behind Q, waiting as he disabled the alarm after unlocking the door.Q said nothing, shrugging out of his peacoat and scarf, throwing it over the rail of the stairs before trudging up them without a second glance at Bond. 

Bond deposited the messenger bag on one of the sitting room chairs and shrugged out of his coat and suit jacket before moving towards the kitchen.He heard a door snap shut, closely followed by the shower turning on and nodded to himself as he trailed his fingers over the detritus of a gun strewn across the kitchen table.

A soft mewling was the only warning Bond received before kitten-sharp claws sunk into the fabric of his trousers and the skin underneath.

“Christ!”

He scooped the ball of calico fur up and raised it to his face to stare at the cat.Wet brown eyes stared back at him as Alan mewled again and Bond felt another cat rub against his legs.He sighed and set the kitten on the floor next to the fluffy white cat.Ada’s bottlebrush tail flicked behind her as she walked to the empty bowls in the corner and stared at him expectantly.Bond shook his head at himself and began to rummage through the cabinets in search of their food.

In one of the lower cabinets, he found Q’s liquor collection and was disappointed to note that the only thing worth drinking was a mostly-full bottle of Jameson.He set it on the counter and continued his search.

He found the cat food just as the shower turned off and he filled the bowls, smiling as the cats began munching down happily.He began searching for tumblers to pour the whiskey into when he froze at the sound that issued from upstairs.

“FUCK!” Though it was muffled, there was no mistaking the frustration and fury in Q’s voice.The sound of glass shattering followed shortly after, causing both cats to duck.

Bond abandoned his search for tumblers and instead grabbed the entire bottle of whiskey.He climbed the stairs two at a time, relieved to find the bathroom door unlocked when he tried the handle.

Q was standing in front of the sink, towel wrapped around his slim waist, head hanging between his shoulders.Bond opened the door wider, scattering the shattered remains of a water glass across the tile floor as he did so.

Bond knew better than to ask inane questions like ‘What happened?’ or ‘Are you okay?’, and instead walked forward to place the bottle on the counter next to Q.

Q raised his head enough to stare at Bond for a moment before he spoke, his voice rough.

“Spare a cigarette?”

Bond nodded, retreating downstairs in order to retrieve a lighter and cigarette case from his suit jacket.Before going back upstairs, he grabbed a small hand broom and dustpan he’d seen under the kitchen sink.

When he returned, he found Q sitting on the small window ledge inside the shower stall, fiddling with the latch in order to crack it open.Bond held out the cigarette case and lighter to Q, who finished taking a long swig from the bottle of whiskey before grabbing it from him.

Bond closed the bathroom door to prevent any small paws from tracking through the shattered glass and crouched down behind it.He could feel Q watching him, half-naked as he lit a cigarette.Bond swept up the broken glass thoroughly, taking his time, mindful of Q’s bare feet.Once he was satisfied that everything was off the floor, he disposed of the glass in the small bathroom wastebasket.

He turned back to see Q watching him, eyes narrowed.Bond leaned back against the bathroom counter, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and stared back.

Q smoked the cigarette down to the filter silently.He flicked the butt out the window, tilting his head to glare at Bond.

“How are you that fucking cold, Bond?”

He raised an eyebrow in response.Q huffed at him in anger.

“Honestly, Bond.How can you just fucking stand there? You just lost a colleague, were there to hear her last fucking—FUCK.”

Bond remained silent, watching Q stand and run his fingers through his damp hair in frustration.Q rarely showed any emotion inside Six and even then, outside of work, it was difficult to penetrate the strong barriers he’d built around himself.Bond tried to get past the detached exterior that Q’s job required, had tried to fuck his way past and thought he’d made good progress.But this anger was new, and while it was perhaps misdirected, Bond knew it was another step towards getting to know the man more.He waited, allowing Q an outlet.

”Are you really that heartless?So fucking emotionless that you can just shrug it off like that?”

Q took a deep breath before continuing.

“She died choking on her blood while I could do fuck all to stop it.And you’re standing there like it was just another day at the office. Back for a casual post-mission shag.” He shook his head in disgust and Bond noticed that his eyes were beginning to water.

“It’s—”

“Don’t fucking try to tell me it’s okay or it’s not my fault.You were there, Bond.You know it was.What good is evac if I can’t get them out before you all die?” Q stalked angrily towards him, fists clenched.

Bond wondered what it would be like to feel loss this keenly again.And when he had stopped feeling it in the first place.

“For fuck’s sake, Bond.” Q’s voice was a wavering in his anger and he stopped directly in front of Bond.

Bond held his icy glare. “Q.”

With a growl, Q closed the distance between them, pulling Bond down to kiss him.

It wasn’t a passionate kiss.It wasn’t fueled by some insatiable lust or unquelled need.It was violent, rough and visceral.A desperate meeting of tongue and teeth.Bond responded in kind.

In any other situation, Bond might have tried to slow things down.Maybe calm his occasional lover, try to comfort him through soft touches, whisper his reassurances that everything would be okay.But that wasn’t what Q needed.

Q’s normally steady hands were shaky, roaming over Bond’s chest and shoulders, incapable of settling.Bond rested a hand on Q’s hip to steady him, while the other threaded through the damp strands of hair curling at his nape.Q continued his unceasing exploration of Bond’s torso, caught between trying to pull him in and holding him in place.Bond tightened his grip on Q’s hair, earning him a gasp as Q broke the frantic kiss.

He took a deep breath and his hands steadied, trailing down Bond’s chest as he leaned back in to recapture Bond’s mouth.He roughly unbuckled his belt and pulled it free from his trousers, letting it clatter to the floor.The metal buckle hitting the bathroom tile echoed in the confined space.

As Q’s fingers deftly pulled his shirt out of his trousers and started to unbutton it, Bond tightened his grip on Q’s hip over the towel and he flattened his palm against Q’s nape.He kept his touch firm, though not enough to cause pain.That might be what Q thought he needed, but Bond knew better.He’d been here before.He understood what he really needed was a steady, grounding presence to remind him of his physical body, keeping him tied to the present, unable to lose himself to the desolation of his own brooding thoughts.

Bond smirked as he heard a button skip across the tile floor and leaned back to tease Q.“Eagar, are we?”

“Shut up, Bond.” Q glared at him for a moment before reclaiming his mouth, hands creeping lower to unbutton his flies.Bond couldn’t contain his moan when Q’s nimble fingers reached in to wrap around his half-hard cock.He pulled him free from his trousers, giving him a few rough strokes.

Q unexpectedly dropped to his knees in front of Bond and breathed over the head of his cock.He licked his lips, took a deep breath, and took him slowly into his mouth until his nose was buried in Bond’s pubic hair.

“Oh, fuck,” Bond breathed as Q hollowed his cheeks. 

He sucked up off his shaft and their eyes met.Bond didn’t hold back the groan that escaped him at the picture Q presented and he dropped back to his elbows on the counter.Q began to bob his head, setting a rough pace.

Bond closed his eyes the first time the head of his cock hit the back of Q’s throat and threaded one of his hands into Q’s hair.It stayed there, not pushing or pulling, just grabbing on for dear life.He knew the feeling that Q was trying to fuck out of himself and he refused to take over.He wanted to let Q stay in control.

Bond reopened his eyes to the sight of Q roughly taking him in, spit dripping down his chin and tears clinging to the eyelashes of his tightly-shut eyes.It was almost too much.Bond tightened his grip on Q’s hair and pulled him back off his cock as much as he could.

Q got the message, opening his eyes as he let Bond’s cock fall from his mouth with an obscene pop.He slowly rose to his feet, wiping the spit from his face as he did.

Bond smirked as he noticed Q’s erection tenting the towel around his waist and he reached for the knot to free it from the confines.Q stepped into his touch and kissed him hard.Bond pulled the towel free, letting it pool at Q’s feet.He hummed as he tasted himself on Q’s tongue.

They broke apart and Bond pushed him back enough to give him a thorough once-over.A deep flush slowly spread across his chest before Q got impatient and brought their bodies together.Bond pulled him tightly against him before breaking their kiss, earning him a frustrated groan from Q.

“I swear to god—”

Bond cut Q’s sentence short as he quickly reversed their positions and spun Q around.He pushed him down, pressing his chest against the bathroom counter, and Q gasped at the chill.Bond grinned lazily as their eyes met in the mirror of the medicine cabinet, enjoying the expression of surprise on Q’s face.Bond raised an eyebrow in a silent question, and Q shivered in response, knowing exactly what he was asking for.

“Right drawer.” He croaked out after taking a deep, shuddering breath.

Bond stroked one of his hands slowly up Q’s back and down again while the other opened the drawer, breaking their eye contact as he searched for what he was looking for.His fingers wrapped around a small bottle of lube and he closed the drawer with a snap.He pushed down lightly between Q’s shoulder blades, a silent command to stay bent over as he was, before he coated his fingers.

Q shifted his legs, widening his stance and arching his back, getting comfortable, getting ready.Bond smirked at him in the mirror and slowly teased a finger down between his cheeks, bypassing his entrance. He ghosted his fingers lower to trace over the fine dusting of hair on his balls before cupping them in his hand.

Q shuddered at the touch, propping himself up on his elbows.Bond brought his hand back up to trace a finger lightly over his hole.

“Fucking just-” Q’s voice was harsh, frustrated by Bond’s teasing, and he pushed himself back hard onto Bond’s finger.They both gasped at the sensation as the tip of his finger breached him, and Q let out a breath before finishing his thought. “…put it in me.”

Bond laughed lowly, pushing his index finger in deeper before pulling it back out and adding more lube to his fingers.He pushed back into him, this time with two fingers.Q didn’t seem to have any problem taking the second digit if his reaction was anything to go by.Q seemed intent on hurrying things along, pushing back on his fingers, demanding more.

Bond understood his need.Q was trying to scratch an itch that he would never be able to reach but needed to try anyway.He needed the discomfort, the grounding reassurance that he was still there, that the crawling beneath his skin could be superseded by pain receptors.But he also needed to be reminded of the other receptors his brain associated with specific nerve endings.He needed to be reminded why he was still there.Why he was still in his body when she would no longer be.

Maybe Bond had never been on comms directing an agent only to have them die, but he’d seen too much death in his career.He’d seen too many people die alongside him, for him, and he knew what it was like to feel responsible for their deaths.

He fingered Q open further, abandoning any kind of gentle pretense to align with exactly what Q needed from him.He scissored his fingers against the resistance of Q’s tight channel, ensuring that he brushed over his prostate in the process.

“Fuck…” Q breathed, sounding as if Bond had torn the word straight from his chest.

“That’s the idea,” Bond murmured, pushing a third finger into Q as he watched him in the mirror.

Sharp hazel eyes clouded with lust latched onto his in the mirror and Q glared at him in challenge.“Then get on with it.”

Bond deliberately stroked the pads of his fingers directly over Q’s prostate and was rewarded with a needy moan as Q closed his eyes at the sensation.

“If you insist,” Bond said politely, removing his fingers.He poured a good amount of lube into his hand and stroked over his cock, coating himself thoroughly.

He set the small bottle on the counter and lined himself up, but Q stood suddenly and spun, recapturing his lips.Bond gripped his hips, trying to steady himself in his surprise, but allowed Q to back him into the shower stall.Bond hit the cool tile of the wall with a grunt and the residual water from Q’s shower began to soak into the back of his shirt.He distantly thought about the contrast they made, Q’s completely nude figure pressed against his almost entirely clothed form, and tightened his grip.

“Bond.” Q’s voice was commanding, not unlike the tone he used when he ran comms on missions and Bond’s eyes immediately snapped open to meet his.

Q placed his hands flat on Bond’s shoulders and pushed down.Bond slowly sank to his knees, then sat back against the shower wall.Q stared down at him, taking in the sight of his open shirt and his cock straining obscenely from his undone trousers.He lowered himself down and swung a leg over Bond’s hips, straddling him before licking into his mouth.

Bond felt Q’s hand blindly searching for his cock and grinned into the kiss as his long fingers wrapped around it, steadying.

Q aligned himself and slowly sank down onto him.They both breathed in sharply at the sensation of the head of his cock slipping through the tight ring of muscle, breaking their kiss.Q’s mouth hovered over his as he took a moment to adjust, then he lowered himself steadily until he was fully seated.

“Oh, fucking Christ, Q,” Bond breathed, grabbing hold of Q’s dark hair and pulling his head back to grant him access to his neck.

Q hummed, tilted his head further to the side and slowly began to rock his hips.As he set a steady rhythm, he slipped one long-fingered hand into the short strands of hair at the nape of Bond’s neck.

“Fucking move, Bond,” He growled, tightening his fingers in Bond’s hair.

Bond pulled back so he could look him in the eyes. “James.”

“What?” Q asked, sounding exasperated.

“Just…please.James.” He wasn’t entirely sure why he suddenly needed this from Q, but he did.Needed the acknowledgment that he was more than just a designation to him.By the look of confusion on Q’s face, he didn’t understand either.

Q said nothing, but lifted himself almost completely off Bond’s cock and slid back down with a sharp snap of his hips.

That was enough to goad Bond into action.He growled, recapturing Q’s lips in a bruising kiss as he clung tightly to his thin hips.

Q’s hum of approval turned to one of pleasure as Bond began to thrust up into him.

“Oh, fuck…” Q managed to get out as he tilted his hips to better the angle.

Bond grunted in agreement and planted his feet as best he could on the slick tile floor to gain as much leverage as possible.He inched one of his hands slowly towards Q’s cock before taking him in hand.His fingers tightened around the shaft and he began to jerk him off in time with his hips.

Q’s eyes flew open and he gasped, shaking his head. “No.”

Bond let go of him immediately, freezing entirely.

Q nearly lost his balance from the sudden loss of movement.He steadied himself with a hand on Bond’s chest and sighed.

“I just meant not yet,” Q leaned in to nip at Bond’s lips.“I’d come too soon like that.”

Bond hummed against his lips and tentatively placed his hands back on Q’s hips, thumbing over his hipbones.He began to thrust up into Q again and they set a steady pace.

Q raked his nails down Bond’s chest through his open shirt and he arched up into the sensation.Q hummed lowly and Bond fisted a hand in his hair, bringing their lips together.

He kissed him hungrily before tilting his head to the side, giving him access to the vast amount of alabaster skin on display.His mouth closed greedily over a spot just beneath Q’s jaw and he whined in response.Bond chuckled darkly as he placed open-mouthed kisses down the column of Q’s neck before biting down on one prominent collarbone.Q gasped and bucked his hips as Bond soothed over the spot with his tongue.

Q attacked his mouth with renewed fervor, slipping his arms around the agent’s broad shoulders.His fingernails dug sharply into Bond’s back through his shirt as he began to ride him with a fevered pace.

Bond groaned, shifting his hands from Q’s hips to grab at his absurdly plush arse.He palmed each cheek, spreading Q open as he met him thrust for thrust.

Q buried his face into the crook of Bond’s neck, gripping his shoulders tightly.His breath came in short pants, hot against his neck.Bond felt his body begin to tremble against him, so close to the release he so desperately sought.

Bond buried his nose into Q’s curls and moved to take his cock in hand once more.

“Oh, I-”

“I want to see you.Let me see you, Q.”

Q lifted his head off Bond’s shoulder, letting it fall back instead.His plush lower lip was caught between his teeth and Bond distantly wondered if it was this habit that made his lips so red all the time.

Q’s mouth fell open as Bond twisted his wrist.Three short strokes later, Q spilled over Bond’s hand with a shout that echoed off the tiles.

Bond’s eyes rolled back as Q clenched tightly around his cock, riding out his orgasm.Bond continued to thrust into him once, twice, then came, his hips stuttering in their brutal pace.

Their movements slowed as they rode the out the after waves entwined together.Q’s thighs trembled around Bond’s hips as he thrust weakly into him.He stayed inside him until his cock softened, then pulled out.Bond brushed a finger gently over Q’s loose hole, trailing it through the come that was slowly dribbling out and Q shivered.

Eyes still clenched shut, Q tried to even out his breathing as Bond placed a gentle kiss to his lips.He hummed in response and Bond reached over him to retrieve the still-wet flannel hanging over the knob for the shower.He perfunctorily cleaned up the mess in his hand and wiped Q clean, then tossed the flannel across the shower stall.It landed in the corner with a wet plop.

By the time Q opened his eyes, Bond had tucked his softened prick back into his trousers, rebuttoned his shirt, and had attempted to tuck his shirt back in without jostling Q.The younger man took a deep breath in and let it out again, staring at Bond as he did so.He raised an eyebrow in question but Q just shook his head, neither of them wanting to break the tenuous silence between them.

Q extricated himself from Bond’s lap and scooted back across the shower floor in order to grab the cigarette case he’d left on the windowsill.Bond reached for the bottle of whiskey sitting beside it and they shared a wry smile.

He took a long pull from the bottle of whiskey and watched Q light a cigarette.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” He said quietly, for wont of a better means to distract Q from lapsing into his thoughts.

“I don’t.Er—not anymore.”

Bond snorted and took another swig from the bottle before offering it to Q.He took it, cigarette dangling between two graceful fingers as he took a long drink.He swallowed with a frown and repeated the action.

Q’s eyes searched Bond’s face as he handed the bottle back and he took a fortifying drag from his cigarette before speaking.

“How do you do it?Really?” His voice was quiet and Bond frowned.

He sighed and pointedly took a long drink from the bottle.“Honestly?Like this.”

Q frowned, but Bond continued before he could say anything.

“It’s not…It’s not easy and, after a while, you find whatever numbs you the quickest because it’s the only thing you can do.It’s not a good thing to get used to but…we deal in death, Q.It’s part of the job.We all know what could happen every time we’re sent out and honestly?Most of the time I’m more surprised to make it out alive than I ever have been worried about dying.But it’s a risk we willingly take.”

They lapsed back into silence as Q processed his words.Bond watched as he thought, recognizing the moment his gaze fixated on an unknown spot as he retreated down into darker thoughts.

“It’s not your fault, Q.”

Q looked at him, his eyes red-rimmed and the pain he was feeling evident on his face.Bond didn’t think he’d ever seen him look so unguarded or vulnerable.It was beautiful.

But the words that fell from Q’s lips could have shattered his heart.

“It could have been you, James.”His voice was barely a whisper and he took a shuddering breath.“I’d never be able to live with myself…”

Q turned his head away and raised the cigarette to his lips, his hand shaking as realization hit James with the force of a bullet.What Q said in the silences, in his anger, what he couldn’t voice out loud; the hurt he was trying to hide wasn’t grief for Double-Oh Two.It was for him.

James cursed himself for being such an idiot.He placed the bottle of whiskey on the tile floor and surged forward to capture Q’s face between his hands, forcing him to look at him.

“It wasn’t me.But even if it were, it'd be nobody’s fault but the fucker who killed me.I trust you, Q.I trust you to bring me home, to bring me back to you.And you do everything you can and more to make that happen.I know it and so do the other agents and you know what? We’re still here.”

Q blinked back tears, tongue darting out to wet his lips before he spoke in a hoarse whisper.“I can’t…I can’t lose you.” 

He struggled to swallow around the lump in his throat before continuing.

“I know we’re not…But I—” He shook his head, looking lost for a moment.“All I could think of was you, of never wanting to hear that, never having to listen to you die halfway around the world while I couldn’t do anything.Not even see you again.Or say goodbye.”

Q squeezed his eyes tightly shut and James’s chest ached as he watched a tear slip down his cheek.He leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to Q’s lips.

“Q,” he whispered.“Q, look at me.”

He opened his eyes, worrying his lower lip with his teeth.James brushed the tear away and tucked an errant curl behind his ear, choosing his words carefully.

“I’m sorry.I never want you to have to hear that again, with me or any other agent.You know I can’t make any promises and I know you can’t either, but I will do everything I can to make sure I come back home to you.Every time, Q.”

“Home?”Wet eyes searched his face and James couldn’t stop himself from pressing another soft kiss to Q’s lips.

“Yes, love.Home.”


End file.
